Kindness, in my first 90 days at Mencap
I caught up with Jennifer Wallace from the Carnegie UK Trust last week to talk about kindness. It was a joy to have a conversation about something other than coronavirus.
The meeting had been planned many weeks ago and we thought we would be enjoying breakfast together in London. However, like all our ‘meetings’ at the moment we replaced coffee and croissants for a Skype business meeting, from our respective homes.
Jennifer and I had worked together in my previous role as CEO of Cornerstone. Cornerstone had been involved in Carnegie UK Trust’s work on an enabling state which had charted the shifting relationship between the state and individuals and proposed a route map which would help the state become an enabler, handing communities and individuals the power to shape and contribute to their own wellbeing.
Cornerstone had also contributed to the work carried out by the Trust on Kinder Communities.
So, with ‘kindness’ very much at the forefront of my mind, Jennifer and I had a catch-up call.
Talking about kindness in a professional context does not always sit comfortably.
I find it fascinating that during this unprecedented period in our lives whilst on the one hand we are shining a light on the kindness of those in what are commonly referred to as the ‘caring professions’ we see an almost unfathomable reaction to our senior politicians and others when they attempt to show acts of kindness.
In my first 90 days as the new CEO of Mencap I have seen many acts of kindness; too many to list them all here. There is a growing body of evidence that consistently shows that positive relationships and kindness are at the very heart of our wellbeing and the absence of these relationships in our lives, and the lives of others, often leads to isolation and loneliness.
Before the advent of coronavirus, as I began to settle into my new job, I had started to see the power of positive relationships and an abundance of kindness within Mencap.
- Kindness shown to me on my first day in the London office when I opened the front door to be welcomed by cheering, clapping and signs spelling out the word ‘Welcome’.
- Kindness shown to me when I didn’t know how to use the new systems or when I couldn’t find my way around the building.
- Kindness shown to me by colleagues who never showed their frustration as I asked a million and one questions.
- Kindness from other CEOs of third sector organisations who reached out to say hello and to introduce me to their networks.
- Kindness from my friends and family who have so generously donated to Mencap’s fundraising appeals.
- Kindness from my Board Chair who has phoned regularly to see how I am doing.
- Kindness from some of the people we support and their families who have taken the time to say thank you to the Mencap teams supporting them and their loved ones.
- Kindness from ministers, medical officers and civil servants who have listened to our concerns about the lack of PPE and the potentially discriminatory guidance being issued to clinicians.
- Kindness from my colleagues who have had to deal with the deaths of people close to them.
- Kindness from my neighbours who have stood on their balconies cheering and clapping while I was thinking about my son working in an intensive care unit.
- Kindness from the Mencap support workers who are being so brilliantly imaginative in ensuring the people they support continue to be well and healthy despite them having their worlds turned upside down.
- Kindness from my husband who is sending me packages in the post to cheer me up while we are separated.
I am not sure how I would cope right now without these and all the other acts of kindness.
Over the weekend Mencap saw another death from Covid 19 and sadly we know there will be more to come. The impact on our teams of social care workers, and the other people with a learning disability who have lost their friends, is devastating coupled with the sadness in not being able to give them a good send off because of the current limitations on public gatherings.
This worldwide pandemic and our response to it says a lot about the type of society we want to be a part of. We are already seeing the value that society is placing on the role of social care workers and I hope that continues to be the case when life returns to some form of normality.
But surely, we also want our society to reflect how kind we are to some of the most vulnerable and marginalised groups. Although tough decisions have to be made let’s ensure that the here and now doesn’t undermine the progress we have made in treating people with a learning disability as included and valuable citizens. It is critical that the criteria which will be used to make serious decisions in a context of limited resources does not in any way discriminate against people with a disability.
Kindness grounds us. However, our professional systems and processes pull us, knowingly or otherwise, towards institutional solutions; solutions often perceived as showing a lack of humanity. At a time like this a demonstration of an organisation’s values has never been more important, especially when critical decisions are being made.
In the context of kindness what has coronavirus taught me?
- When the chips are down, I know exactly who to turn to for help and support
- I have learned that I can cook a half decent meal for others, from the left-overs in my fridge
- I have had it reinforced that there is no place for ‘mood-hoovers’ during a crisis – it seems that some people are just angry about everything and can be too quick to criticise
- I have been reminded that the jobs that really matter in the world are often those least remunerated
- I have witnessed for myself a million times over that people really do care.
Stay safe and be kind.
Edel Harris is the Chief Executive of Mencap.
