Removing the roadblocks: bridging the divides
This event on 15 March 2022 is one of a series looking at how we can unblock the roadblocks, where we’ve heard that many people at every level can play a part in driving change by:
Challenging and changing whatever stands in the way, including the deep-seated assumptions that can prevent us from being our best selves.
Calling out inequalities and abuses of power, and making sure everyone can participate on their own terms.
Assuming the best in others and seeing difference, conflict and division as an opportunity to pause, seek to understand, and find a fresh way.
But we’ve also heard that resistance to change is widespread, whether through culture, systems or practices. So how can we get better at overcoming the resistance and removing the roadblocks?
The specific question we considered at this event is how to bridge the divides. Our thought leader for removing the roadblocks, Neil Denton - a community mediator and Professor in Practice at Durham University’s After Disasters Network - kicked off the discussion by talking about the Bridge Builders Handbook, which he had compiled for the Relationships Project, focusing on this slide.
Key points made by the speaker and participants included:
It’s important to avoid ‘enemy thinking’ and ‘othering’ and encourage instead curiosity and kindness. People on the receiving end of violence often see no choice and use words like ‘I can’t, I have to, I must’ and ‘I know what they’re thinking and what will happen’ and difference and division becomes destructive.
Building bridges is not about starting in the middle with talk about similarity and points of connection. That way, the bridge falls down. It should begin with understanding the foundation stones of different communities - what’s really important to them, their values, needs and activities.
Bridge builders need to listen with their eyes and their hearts, working out underlying motivations and needs and building a story that makes sense to that community. By working in this way differences then stop becoming deal breakers and become areas of curiousity. You then can identify the basic needs and values and activities on both sides and find common ground. An example of a shared activity that might result is moving away from ‘keeping out a group in order to feel safe’ toward ‘making a space safer for all our children.’ The keystone that leads to bonding must include goals that do not harm the other group.
Community mediation is hard, exhausting work and sometimes it can feel like a ‘bucket in a drought’ but at best it can lead to ‘a million little drops that can make a difference if you carefully place them.’ It’s a messy process, working with a compass not a map - an uncertain journey which takes time and can be a cyclical process.
Labels and language matter. For example it’s odd that people of colour are labled as a minority in this country, when they are the global majority.
Building bridges is also building the social fabric, creating bridging as well as bonding social capital.
Community spaces can really help build bridges, for example allotments.
Understanding differences can unlock real power and potential.